I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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