the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
