last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
