then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
