Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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