maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
