I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
