This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
