you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your cock deserves a montage
Alive.
So much puke
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
