didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
