Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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