Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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