No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
