some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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