Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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