Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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