My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
