you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
