i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
