My friends, they love my intelligence
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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