Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think i got beer on your cat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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