just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize