I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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