Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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