i jhust puked up my retainher.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
