WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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