I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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