I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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