So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
