Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
grandma shit on top of the toilet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I could fuck to npr.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
