There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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