She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize