There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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