i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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