why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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