yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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