Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
