Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
