Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
