You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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