Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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