You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
