I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
