Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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