Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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