Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have tasted many bathrooms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
