I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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