Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
