Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
