I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
