so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
