mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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