he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
