Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
