My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
