I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize