i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
