i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Four minutes until I can fart!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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