At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
