Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
