WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
