i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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