Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
