I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
