Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
