I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
