Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
