You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My bed smells like the plague
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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