I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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