I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
