Who did Billy Mays play for?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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