the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
