Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
